


I'm not Saying Goodbye

by wsakuya



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Ambiguous/Open Ending, HayaMiya Week, High School, Jealousy, Light Angst, M/M, Moving Out, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Sibling Love, Teenage Drama
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-07
Updated: 2015-08-07
Packaged: 2018-04-10 01:09:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4371377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wsakuya/pseuds/wsakuya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If Miyaji had to talk about his feelings towards his childhood friend, then they'd probably be thrown together and all over the place.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm not Saying Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> **Day 1: Firsts/Throughout Time**
> 
> Happy HMH WEEK!  
> I just really hope I'm not the only one posting something lol  
> Please take your time and add something to hmh week, no matter how shitty is  
> (If you've read my work, you will understand what I mean hahah)
> 
> Now, enjoy as much as you can!

Miyaji Kiyoshi wouldn't necessarily call himself patient, but with a younger brother of his own and very passionate parents, he somehow had to learn to control his voice and actions.

Not that he needs actual control. He knows exactly when to open his mouth and when it's better to simply stay quiet. But with his classmates being so nosy while the newbie-teacher tries to explain something and her voice drowns in the chatter of the students, he just can't help but pound his fist onto the desk and scream the class into silence with an insult.

To his bad luck, he's the one who's being sent into the teacher's room.

 

"I can't quite follow you," Nakatani sighs and lays his chin into his palm, elbow braced on the desk. "Please explain that to me again, Miyaji-kun."

The brunette sighs and ruffles his hair.

"No one was listening, I screamed to make them shut up, I scared the teacher, and she sent me to you," he grunts, pushing his hands into the pockets of his uniform pants. He tries very hard not to show how pissed he is, but he's known Nakatani since he was in elementary school, and with him around it's really difficult to pretend as if he was calm.

The teacher simply smiles and shakes his head.

"That's really not a reason to give you detention, since you tried to help," he says and laughs. "Just try to be a bit quieter next time."

"Yeah, yeah, got it," Miyaji mutters and then turns to leave, but Nakatani's voice makes him stop.

"Oh yeah, do me a favour and give Hayama-kun this hand-out. You're friends, right?"

Miyaji hesitates in reaching for the sheet, yet in the end does so with a sigh anyway. "We're not friends, but sure, I can do that."

Nakatani just gives him a sympathetic look and then lets him off the leash, instead turns back to his desk and continues correcting students' tests.

And with that, Miyaji makes his way to the second-year class rooms.

He was in these rooms himself only a year ago. When he thinks about that he's actually graduating this summer, it makes him feel a bit nostalgic and mushy inside — leaving his hometown and his family and friends behind, move to Tokyo and start a new life. Honestly, it scares him.

But more than that—

"Hey, you're in Hayama's class, right?" he asks a student passing him, tall with long, black hair, and he just knows that's Mibuchi, remembers Hayama telling him only a few weeks ago that they get along well, even went as far as calling them friends.

"Yeah, I am," he says and looks at the brunette curiously, and Miyaji can tell by that gaze that Reo knows about him, either by seeing or stories Hayama told him of him.

He just wonders how much Reo has heard. "Could you give him this handout?"

"Why don't you give it him yourself?" Reo asks and crooks his head, a wicked smile on his face that can only piss Miyaji off, as if the male could read him like an open book, or a mere leaflet hanging on a grocery store's window.

He doesn't like being so open and vulnerable, hates it when people can assume how he feels or what he thinks by simply looking at him.

"I'm busy," he grinds through his teeth, his temper trying to make its way past his mouth. "Can you or can you not?"

Reo watches him silently before taking the sheet into his hand and then sighs. "It can't be helped, can it?"

Miyaji loathes that look on his face.

 

"What's with you and Hayama lately?" Yuuya asks while preparing the kitchen table for dinner, puts a plate for each family member down and adds in swift hand movements the needed cutlery.

Somehow, the question doesn't surprise Miyaji. His brother just had to catch on one way or another. Instead he keeps typing away on his phone and ignores the lump in his throat. "What do you mean?"

"What I mean? I mean that Hayama keeps behaving like always and runs after your sorry ass like a little puppy but you keep ignoring him," Yuuya says and looks at his brother with a scowl on his face.

Miyaji gives him a pointed look. "Watch your mouth." His fingers stop dancing over the display on his phone as he sighs. "Nothing much, just trying to get some distance between us."

"You've been friends since childhood, why now?"

As everything is nicely prepared, Yuuya sits down at the table opposite to his brother and huffs loudly for him to hear, while Miyaji is staying silent and not giving away any answers. "Does he know you're leaving this place when you've graduated?"

"No." It's a short, quick reply, and Yuuya can see how uncomfortable his brother feels talking about it, how he's averting his eyes and rather watches his thumbs hovering over his phone's touch screen, so he keeps his mouth shut and waits in silence until their parents get back from work.

 

If Miyaji had to talk about his feelings towards his childhood friend, then they'd probably be thrown together and all over the place.

As children and Hayama being one year younger than him and the same age as Yuuya, Miyaji felt a certain guardian feeling towards him just like he had with Yuuya. Back then, Hayama was like a little brother to him.

But somehow between puberty and Hayama getting annoyingly louder and more cheerful and popular, those feelings of the big brother role swiftly vanished and instead got replaced by a burning jealousy, and Miyaji would feel it whenever he saw Hayama getting along with other people better than him, when someone could make him smile and laugh like he'd usually do.

It gave him the feeling of being replaced too easily.

And Miyaji noticed soon enough that this feeling wasn't only toxic for himself, but for Hayama as well.

Hayama didn't deserve being snapped and shouted at without a reason, and Miyaji felt guilty whenever it happened, hated it when only the slightest word about Hayama's so-called 'friends' pissed him off and brought him almost to flip a table over.

These feelings weren't healthy, neither for Hayama nor for himself, so he thought, keeping his distance was the best way to bring their relationship back into balance.

But Miyaji knows, as soon as it's revealed that he plans to move away, hell will break down again.

And the last thing he wants is for Hayama to hate him.

 

It's late into the night when Miyaji receives a surprising message. He doesn't mind his phone going off since he's already awake in the first place, what he does mind though is Hayama asking him to come out right now, in the middle of the night and in that cold weather.

Miyaji's too tired to reply, to ask what exact nonsense the male is spouting and instead throws a sweater over his back and walks silently out of his room, his slippers sounding much too loud in the silence of the house.

Somehow, he's not surprised to find Hayama stand at the front door, hands in his jacket pockets and too sensitive body shaking from the cold.

His usual face that lights up into a broad smile whenever he sees Miyaji doesn't come, and it's not surprising at all, the brunette thinks, because he can already guess why Hayama is here.

Instead of a smile, the male looks at him with a stern look and then decides to face Miyaji.

"Miyaji-san, I've heard from your brother," he says and leaves a pause, maybe for Miyaji to interrupt him with whatever it is he's hoping to hear, but Miyaji stays quiet instead and closes the door behind him, makes sure he has his keys with him before turning back to Hayama.

"He said you're moving away."

"So you've heard, huh?" Miyaji asks without flinching, turns his head to the side and watches his breath come out in hot, white puffs. He knew it would come to this eventually, but never actually thought of what to say if he ever had to see this desperate expression of Hayama's, looking so frustrated and angry at once, and while Hayama's temper is not as bad as his own, he knows how to snap and let go of his anger if he has to.

Miyaji never thought of what to do if that were the case, and at this point he has to wonder why.

"Is it because of me? You've been avoiding me lately," Hayama says and balls his fists, teeth pressed together and heavy breaths leaving his nose. "Have I done something to upset you?"

Miyaji ruffles his hair and sighs, eyes set to Hayama's shoes instead of his face. "What bullshit, of course it's not your fault. I just— I feel like it's the best if I go."

"The best for who?" Hayama asks and inhales a stuttering breath, and it sounds so weak in comparison to the Hayama Miyaji knows, usually overflowing with confidence and happiness, and yes, this is his own fault, his that Hayama is looking so broken and tired, so weak and small and about to shatter.

The brunette crosses his arms and leans against the door, and somehow he still can't get himself to look Hayama in the eye. "For the both of us."

He can hear in Hayama's quickened breath that he's slowly losing his patience, hears the groans and teeth clack, but instead of a loud and rough voice, Miyaji hears only a quiet whisper, weak and small just like Hayama's posture. "And if I said I loved you, would that change a thing?"

"No," Miyaji says without thinking about it, and he finally looks, eyes gazing coldly at Hayama's hunched form and the sad expression, and at this point Miyaji's mind feels so incredibly empty and heavy at once, eyes so tired that he feels like closing them. "It wouldn't change anything."

He opens his eyes again when he's sure that Hayama has left.

 

"We're gonna miss you so much, sweetheart," his mother says and gives him a kiss on each cheek, which Miyaji gladly accepts because he's always weak when it comes to his mother.

His father ruffles his hair once and gives him a kiss as well, and Miyaji can see him trying to hold in his tears as he steps back with an arm around his mother.

"Text me when you've arrived," Yuuya says and pulls him into a hug and pats him on the back. "Gonna miss you, big brother."

Miyaji huffs out a laugh as he watches his family's sad expressions. He'd lie if he said he doesn't feel the same, but what makes him even sadder is the way Hayama and him parted ways.

After his late-night visit, they haven't talked once, so it's not very surprising either that Hayama's not here and seeing him off.

Well, it's Miyaji's own fault.

"Oh yeah, here," Yuuya says and gives him a piece of paper folded together. "It's for you."

Miyaji frowns and takes the crumbled sheet into his hand. "From whom?"

"Read it and you'll figure it out yourself." There's merely a smirk on Yuuya's face that could possibly give away who wrote this letter, but somehow Miyaji knows right away, ignores his parents' questioning looks and unfolds the paper.

But instead of holding an actual sheet of paper in his hands, it's really only a small note with merely two little sentences.

 _I love you_  
_(I will wait for you)_

And it takes every muscle in his body not to cry, yet isn't surprised as his sight gets blurry and the note wets with drops of water.

And the first time in many, many years, Miyaji laughs and cries at once.


End file.
